hello again

 Hello 

I'm dying huh? It's a simple question you can tell me. it's not complicated. I can feel myself slowly falling apart. Bloody nose as I try to keep it to myself. Doctor is out the question.

   Maybe just breath

     Breath for what

You have a lot going on, I understand

  No, you can't possible understand. Soon, I will have to be... alone

I know but you can do it

See, I know I can but I don't want to. I'm tired and just tired. My body is breaking down. My mental mind set is just overloaded with so many things to where I can barely keep up with certain things anymore. I put on a smile and pretend. Inside I'm dying. Inside I know I'm not ready.

"Take some time. things will get better.

Ha, I thought that too. It never did just tears and more tears.

  No more talking for now. Maybe later,

"Okay but I promise it will get better"

love, 

Myself. 

Death

 I tell myself I will be okay. I act strong like nothing is wrong as I drink my problems away. Knowing my mother will be gone any day now. It hit a spot in my heart as I think about all the things she didn't see me do. Having a career or just a stable job to where she can be like "yes, my daughter did it. She will be okay" to getting married to making happy memories in Colorado. Drive through the mountains to camp out in the outdoors of the wilderness. Those memories I will have to have without her.

  If I cry, it's because of the memories she won't share with me. The pictures she will no longer be in. Watch my babies grow and go to there high school graduations. Shop like other daughters do with there mom's at a old age. Now I get to soak up the wounds and memories. 

   This year has been a blessing. I have been through a lot every since 2019 left. 

No one knows when they will die or the ones they love. Doing what is right at the moment will bring you peace. Sharing memories that will last for years after your gone.

  Death is apart of life and it sucks. Why get attach if the person you love have to go? The person who took care of you have to go? I know it's a part of life. One day we all will meet up again,

  I'm just hoping the people we love will all make it to the same place. 

Love, 

Myself.