Deat myself part 3 or 4 who knows

 Dear myself

I have fallen deeper then I have ever imagine. I was in a rush to start something that never happened. I was scared to succeed that I ran away. I have distance myself now and then but more then I like from God. I will confess my sins but it will be between me and him. 

  But it's 2025. I have taken a moment to sit with myself. I have made the descion last year. 2 months to be exact,  to go ahead and do the things i never done before. I want to live and smile everyday. I don't want to be misused or misunderstood. I want to be me and not hide. I decide to move forward. 

My first step I did was letting go off my old job. I should have never went back. But I did. I was overwhelmed once I left my medical job. I remember when I was packing up everything from my medical job and the next day I had to go back to my old job to excaspe I thought, I was filled with sadness. I call it that becasue once I walked in those doors again, A feeling of a bad taste in my mouth. Like, I was never suppose to go back. Being there for almost a year, I was fiting against myself to prove that I belong to be a leader. Lead that had people fir back against me. I put smiles on people faces to have someone so upset to hit me from behind. To so much negativty and no grwoth. I started to remember why I left. I look back at my medical job. All I had to do is take the next step to succeed. To not be scared of the unknow. 

  I waited and waited. I found myself going back to my medical job. I prayed and I asked for guidness. it worked. I'm realizing my journey has just begone. 

  I had one of the ladies told me, if I take PTO before I leave I won't be able to be rehired. I looked at her and chuckled. "I don't want to come back. That's the point. 

  I left and I feel so free. So free that there is something I know that is in that building that I was fighting. I did my duties and tried my best to stay positive while i was there. I wonder about the ones that are there, will they ever make it out. 

You free, remember that. Never go back to a place that never desreve you the first time around. A lesson learn.