Dear Myself
I have let myself go in some type of way. When you have kids you try not to let yourself go. Wake up early to put on a little makeup to look alive to your crazy hair..you place up to make it look wonderful but inside all that is a mess you will have to comb out later. Maybe that's just my hair but washing clothes for five people seems alot but it has to get done. wearing clothes that is 2 or maybe 5 years old seems a little ridiculous but I do what I need to do.
I try not to call myself selfish as I feel like I am far from it but want to be like it once in a while.
Alot of days I want t o scream to let all my anger out.
I'm glad and thankful for getting up in the morning to have another shot at life but I feel like I'm slowly dieing. There is nothing exciting happening in my life. I'm just living to get a few pennies in my pocket to only take my kids out once in a blue moon.
My Therapy of the day..letting some shit out...
Saturday, October 14, 2017
Life....? :/
Dear Myself
I have debated and debated in my head how in the heck am I going to survive the next 2 in a half months of 2017. I will be running around and looking for a great opportunity to start a new life. Well what really is a new life?
It doesn't matter, all I know I will be running after kids and trying my hardest to get things line up for me.
searching for the right degree in college seems to be a mystery to me as I wonder around on this earth asking myself "what is next"
Time is passing and people are getting married, having babies, starting there dream job or even starting there own business. Some even travel the world and go to one country or two to only remember the fantastic time they had.
Of course people die and they get sick but did they really live? Was there happiness in there life? Those questions run through my mind as I wake up every morning wondering if I'm truly happy. How much do I need to sacrifice or do I?
I'm starting to understand the statement when people say " You regret the things you didn't do then the once you did"
I have debated and debated in my head how in the heck am I going to survive the next 2 in a half months of 2017. I will be running around and looking for a great opportunity to start a new life. Well what really is a new life?
It doesn't matter, all I know I will be running after kids and trying my hardest to get things line up for me.
searching for the right degree in college seems to be a mystery to me as I wonder around on this earth asking myself "what is next"
Time is passing and people are getting married, having babies, starting there dream job or even starting there own business. Some even travel the world and go to one country or two to only remember the fantastic time they had.
Of course people die and they get sick but did they really live? Was there happiness in there life? Those questions run through my mind as I wake up every morning wondering if I'm truly happy. How much do I need to sacrifice or do I?
I'm starting to understand the statement when people say " You regret the things you didn't do then the once you did"
Saturday, October 7, 2017
sick and milk won't pump out alot :/ :(
As people would say " You are to young to be tire" Which might be true if you have no kids. Just saying and that's kids with a S.
Now the question is am I really tired? Yes because I caught a little cold. There can be many of ways I caught this cold but I would have to say because I didn't take the time to fine my jacket.
Early in the morning as I have to rush to take my kids to school ( I like to leave at a certain time) I didn't want them to be late as I would be doing drop off in the front, I don't have to get out. Little did I know it would catch up with me.
I could have even caught it at work but still I was being lazy and unorganized putting things up as I take them off to hang up (that's truly a moms life) to only catch a little cold.
I stop taking my vitamin C as I felt like I was good...feeling great but the cold hit last night and all I was thinking was "Shit I have work on Sunday" Not feeling well to having to go to work tomorrow sucks.
To top everything off I can't pump milk out. I only got 3 oz which I need at least 4 more ounces. I know that should be easy but nope my milk isn't coming down like it should so I'm going to have to start early to pumo before I go to work and pray it comes down or no work because for my baby comes first. Plus she won't take formula so yea not to much of a choice.
I better get sleeping and pray that my milk will pump right on out tomorrow. :/
Now the question is am I really tired? Yes because I caught a little cold. There can be many of ways I caught this cold but I would have to say because I didn't take the time to fine my jacket.
Early in the morning as I have to rush to take my kids to school ( I like to leave at a certain time) I didn't want them to be late as I would be doing drop off in the front, I don't have to get out. Little did I know it would catch up with me.
I could have even caught it at work but still I was being lazy and unorganized putting things up as I take them off to hang up (that's truly a moms life) to only catch a little cold.
I stop taking my vitamin C as I felt like I was good...feeling great but the cold hit last night and all I was thinking was "Shit I have work on Sunday" Not feeling well to having to go to work tomorrow sucks.
To top everything off I can't pump milk out. I only got 3 oz which I need at least 4 more ounces. I know that should be easy but nope my milk isn't coming down like it should so I'm going to have to start early to pumo before I go to work and pray it comes down or no work because for my baby comes first. Plus she won't take formula so yea not to much of a choice.
I better get sleeping and pray that my milk will pump right on out tomorrow. :/
YOU!!!! Pain...truth Dear Myself
Dear Myself
You are in control
You are the one that has to do what's right for yourself
If you don't feel like picking up the phone then don't..Even when people get mad at you for not picking up.
Do what you feel is right. Do as you need as you will cry towards the night wanting more then you have.
Feeling like shit because you have proved to be relying on your parents help as you slowly grow up trying to find a better job and not know if you are able to afford a place on your own. Even doubt lingers as you are unsure if you want to leave the nest. Even if you say you do are you truly ready? Can you be ready?
You might have fear but you learn how to adapt to certain situations so well that you know no one esle that you know could do the things you had to do or understand any of your actions. Your own mother doesn't as your brain is wired different from hers.
You try your best but that is never enough.
You crave for sleep as sleep is not even important anymore. You want reinsurance that each desicion you make will not affect the ones around you anymore but improve there lives.
Most importantly you are scared to take a step forward because all you do is take 2 steps back. That's how it feels.
That's how you feel about moving so far to only take 2 steps back in the future, life and love.
You are in control
You are the one that has to do what's right for yourself
If you don't feel like picking up the phone then don't..Even when people get mad at you for not picking up.
Do what you feel is right. Do as you need as you will cry towards the night wanting more then you have.
Feeling like shit because you have proved to be relying on your parents help as you slowly grow up trying to find a better job and not know if you are able to afford a place on your own. Even doubt lingers as you are unsure if you want to leave the nest. Even if you say you do are you truly ready? Can you be ready?
You might have fear but you learn how to adapt to certain situations so well that you know no one esle that you know could do the things you had to do or understand any of your actions. Your own mother doesn't as your brain is wired different from hers.
You try your best but that is never enough.
You crave for sleep as sleep is not even important anymore. You want reinsurance that each desicion you make will not affect the ones around you anymore but improve there lives.
Most importantly you are scared to take a step forward because all you do is take 2 steps back. That's how it feels.
That's how you feel about moving so far to only take 2 steps back in the future, life and love.
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