hello again

 Hello 

I'm dying huh? It's a simple question you can tell me. it's not complicated. I can feel myself slowly falling apart. Bloody nose as I try to keep it to myself. Doctor is out the question.

   Maybe just breath

     Breath for what

You have a lot going on, I understand

  No, you can't possible understand. Soon, I will have to be... alone

I know but you can do it

See, I know I can but I don't want to. I'm tired and just tired. My body is breaking down. My mental mind set is just overloaded with so many things to where I can barely keep up with certain things anymore. I put on a smile and pretend. Inside I'm dying. Inside I know I'm not ready.

"Take some time. things will get better.

Ha, I thought that too. It never did just tears and more tears.

  No more talking for now. Maybe later,

"Okay but I promise it will get better"

love, 

Myself. 

Death

 I tell myself I will be okay. I act strong like nothing is wrong as I drink my problems away. Knowing my mother will be gone any day now. It hit a spot in my heart as I think about all the things she didn't see me do. Having a career or just a stable job to where she can be like "yes, my daughter did it. She will be okay" to getting married to making happy memories in Colorado. Drive through the mountains to camp out in the outdoors of the wilderness. Those memories I will have to have without her.

  If I cry, it's because of the memories she won't share with me. The pictures she will no longer be in. Watch my babies grow and go to there high school graduations. Shop like other daughters do with there mom's at a old age. Now I get to soak up the wounds and memories. 

   This year has been a blessing. I have been through a lot every since 2019 left. 

No one knows when they will die or the ones they love. Doing what is right at the moment will bring you peace. Sharing memories that will last for years after your gone.

  Death is apart of life and it sucks. Why get attach if the person you love have to go? The person who took care of you have to go? I know it's a part of life. One day we all will meet up again,

  I'm just hoping the people we love will all make it to the same place. 

Love, 

Myself. 

lesson?

 Dear Myself,

I was confuse for a while. I didn't know what he wanted and I feel like he doesn't tell me the truth. you see, I told him what I wanted. I ask him to put in the work. He never did. It has came to nothing now. I have to except it today. 

 My phone will ring but I won't pick it up if it's him. I will show him the pain he put me through. I will show it how it feels when someone turns there back on you.

  I agree, do it. Time for a lesson

Yes indeed. I can do this

Love,

  Myself. 

Told myself the breath

 Dear Myself

Yes I have told myself to breath for some many days that I just want answers but I feel like I will never get them. It saddens me but their is nothing I can do. I ret to keep myself busy. Slow down and then but I have to keep my mind off of what happen to. You know what I am getting to. I don't need to explain that heart ache. 

  I figure if I work just 3 days or less my mind will be on learning something new. Actually doing something to better my life. Maybe be able to go back to college somehow. I'm hopping if you are working during these crazy times, we get a raise to 15 or just a few bucks come are way. 

  I will tell you more once things get better. when I feel better

Don't worry things will get better. Heal as things change around the world. You are prepping for something bigger then you think. 

Dear Myself: Turning Left...smile new me

Dear Myself: Turning Left...smile new me: Dear Myself Being done with someone is overwhelming. Your try to keep yourself together. You try to keep the calls to a minimum. You try to ...

Turning Left...smile new me

Dear Myself

Being done with someone is overwhelming. Your try to keep yourself together. You try to keep the calls to a minimum. You try to not listen to his voicemails but instead you do. You uncover more then you would have liked. It's better to be truthful with someone then lie to them. I say "No more lies." I let go. I let this shit end today. I saw myself already leaving. I saw myself learning from everything. I understand now. I have to protect what is mines which are my kids.. I need to heal. I need to take care of my family. My little family. I don't want to be one of those ladies and I sure don't want to be on Snap the show. Where I will probably be the one the person is trying to kill because my ex didn't realize how jealous the other woman was. 

  Yes I have learn. I have seen. I am growing. I'm learning to be happy with just what I have. Love will come when it comes. I will smile when it comes. For now, I'm taking each step. Hopefully the one I do want to talk to in person will make plans to. Wish me luck because this road I am traveling, I'm turning left and going back on the road I am suppose to go on. Leaving the old behind me. Letting people think what they want. Learning to grow and do different things. Love again later in life. For now I am going to keep it simple. 

Love, Laugh and Eat

 

love,

   

     Myself. 

Dear Myself....change

Dear Myself

Myself: don't say it. You are back. you can feel yourself slipping away from society? No that is not it. you feel a certain type of way and you want to change everything!!!

 Me; Yes, that is it. Changing myself means I have to let go of things I never thought I would be able to or want to. It get's under my skin a bit. I'm not scared to. I feel like it is that part of unknown that makes me unsure about everything I do. Maybe that's why I'm always stuck right where I am at. 

Myself: True, I'm glad you realize it. Take the first step and that is close a door. Any door but close it. 

Me: I am but dam it feels so dam lonely

Myself: Yes but remember you went backwards. Just saying

Me: I know but don't worry I think everything will work out

Myself: Good, stay calm and breath. Close a door before you go to bed tonight. Think about things you can change and forget about the old shit that doesn't matter anymore. Smile as you have your family. Cry when you need to. It's okay because shit, It can be lonely right now. 

Love,

MySelf.